hazelgracelancaster: when guys are dressed in suits and they unbutton the top of their shirt and they undo their bowtie but keep it hanging under their collar and maybe they roll up their sleeves a bit and their hair is all disheveled and boys
that-nerdfighter: arisonas: ugh. where’s all the GOOD music these days. it’s all just rapping and beibers and directions. i miss the days where i could go into the local tavern and hoist a mighty flagon of mead to a jaunty tune on the lute of a young bard only a real 15th century kid will get this
potential-and-difference: prop-215: dazegetbrighter: what if rocks are actually soft but just tense up when we touch them? How stoned are you right now? Was that a fucking pun?
burgrs: she wears short skirts I wear the skin of all those who dare defy me
partybarackisinthehousetonight: pro tip: fill the piñata with absolutely nothing to prepare your kids for the letdowns of adulthood
thisgingerisback: Angelina Jolie announces a double mastectomy to save her life, people get fucking pissed and act like she’s lost everything that’s made her worthwhile in the first place, AND YOU WONDER WHY I FUCKING HATE THE “SAVE THE BOOBIES” TROPE. BECAUSE NO ONE ACTUALLY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THE WOMAN’S LIFE. WOMEN JUST HAPPEN TO BE ATTACHED TO A PAIR OF BREASTS. WOMEN AREN’T WORTH...
thernardier: “you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes
batteur: ah yes I’ve just thought the perfect sassy answer to that horrible thing someone told to me 4 years ago
rnackenzie: *washes problems in hot water so they shrink*
h0odrich: It’s not called cheating its called I need to pass this fuckin class
psychoticmist: if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’
goobsohard: The sexual tension between two people when one of them says “make me”
amoying: if you work at an ice cream shop and don’t tell your customers “YOU JUST GOT SOFT SERVED” when you hand them their ice cream, you are missing out on a great opportunity
vvant: advice for having the best life ever: dont have a crush
so, today this girl in my class asked what the word procrastination meant and i said ‘can i explain that later?’ and my teacher laughed for like five minutes and when he stopped the girl whispered ’ i don’t get it’
merricats: oldmanhoho: you know you’ve made a good pun when everyone’s immediate response upon hearing it is “shut the fuck up” #the highest compliment any pun can receive
perfectioninimperfection: I do not spew profanities. I enunciate them clearly, like a fucking lady.
pospiscal: sexual orientation: not u
c00kiedough: sleeping in an oversized hoodie seems like a good idea until its 2am and it feels like you’re taking a bath with satan
collectyourhearts: the difference between pizza and your opinion is that i asked for pizza
me in other people's showers: what the fuck is going on
usbdongle: xeverdeen: im from the united states of AMERICA what do you MEAN THIS VIDEO IS NOT AVAILABLE IN MY COUNTRY #there’s another country? #how long has it been there
sassygayherondales: stylishirish: horain: stylishirish: this guy i know throws this wild crazy party at the end of every school year and he invites literally everyone in our grade and this year i’m gonna call the cops ahead of time to shut it down because i once let him borrow a pencil and he never gave it back that’s a lot of anger over just 1 pencil. it was a mechanical pencil ...
vocaroo: how do you aggressively flirt with someone like you look fucking pretty today you fucking bitch
deucebowl: she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere
dadfighter: *flags videos as inappropriate on porn websites*
rabioheab: are there actually people out there who make their beds every morning or is that just a myth